Absurdity in Error
by death-in-the-orchard
Summary: Alexander Anderson and Alucard...when Integra forgets a basic need that even Alucard must satisfy...


"Master. I need to sleep."

Integra paused as her servant interrupted her and then she hid her embarrassment at his exhausted appearance. She tried to remember the last time the vampire had slept, or had time to, and realized that she had kept him up for seven days straight. She stared at the letter on her desk and bit her lip. Integra didn't feel comfortable with letting Seras handle this on her own, but Alucard was oblivious to her turmoil as he turned around and started to the door with dull eyes. Integra looked up and glanced at the paladin apprehensively. The Vatican and Hellsing were supposed to work together that night, as a reinforcement of their truce.

"Where are you going, demon spawn?" Anderson growled as the vampire approached. His hand twitched on the armrest of the chair he sat in when the vampire ignored him, not even looking in his direction. "Vampire." Alucard began to walk passed him as if he didn't exist. Infuriated, Anderson snarled and grabbed at the vampire, alarming Integra. "Don't ignore me…!" his voice stopped as the body fell to the side…on him, the vampire having been knocked off balance and drawn by the grip the priest had on his coat. He landed on Anderson who was still seated in the chair.

Anderson was rigid with shock while Integra's eyes were the size of saucers as her glasses viewed the vampire that was sitting on the priest's lap. Alucard shook his head and then looked up at the paladin from his chest. "What?"

Anderson's mouth moved, but he couldn't speak. The quiet and the warmth made the vampire's eyes grow heavy and his head suddenly fell against the paladin's chest. In his sleep, Alucard fixed his awkward position, finding a more comfortable one by curling into the body that was radiating with life, and his arms draped around Anderson's waist.

A few seconds of silence were shattered with Anderson's roar of outrage, causing the butler to enter the room and freeze at the door. Anderson was struggling to detach the sleeping vampire, to no avail.

"LET GO DEMON!" his hand pushed at Alucard's face but it didn't budge. It was as if the undead creature was fused to Anderson. The priest continued his ranting, struggling against the tourniquet the vampire's arms had become, tightening more as the priest became more violent. "GET OFF OF ME!"

Walter walked over to Integra, not taking his eyes off of the scene. "What's going on…Sir Integra?"

She flinched at her name and realized Walter was waving his hand before her face. He stopped and she sighed with guilt. "I forgot that even Alucard needs rest once in a while…I don't think he's been able to sit down, let alone sleep for an entire week."

"I DON'T CARE IF HE HASN'T SLEPT FOR TWO FUCKING YEARS! GET OFF! DAMN YOU!" Integra was mildly surprised the priest had heard her, but she put it aside with a darkening smirk. She began to talk quietly with Walter and soon the butler left the room. Anderson fell back against the chair, defeated. He glared at Integra, his mouth twitching at her amusement.

"I'm afraid you can't participate in the mission, Father Anderson."

He stared at her. "What?"

"Seras Victoria and our mercenaries need the practice anyway." She got up, still smiling, and gathered her papers. She continued to speak as she went to the door. "We can't help you, so please manage on your own. My apologies for the inconvenience." She closed the door, leaving Anderson dumbfounded with the vampire sleeping on his lap. He stared at the door until he felt blood begin to circulate into his legs again as the vampire's grip lessened and his cheek buried itself in the paladin's cassock.

"Damn, freakin' demon spawn. Freakin' bloodsucking leech…" he continued to grumble as he watched the vampire sleep. Though he could feel no heartbeat, he distinctly felt each rise and fall of the creature's chest as it breathed evenly, pressed against him. The cold body was beginning to chill the priest and he looked around for a blanket, trying not to acknowledge how stupid this was. There was a coat rack to his right, but it was empty and Anderson gave a disappointed sigh, leaning back into the chair. The even breaths soon lulled him to sleep.

It was the middle of the night when Anderson woke up, blinking in confusion as he looked around the office. He felt a pressure on his chest and looked down at the two red orbs.

"Why the Hell am I in your lap, Judas Priest?"

Anderson almost smiled with relief, but he turned his face into a scowl. "You fell asleep on me, vampire. Now get off." Alucard stared blankly at him for a moment.

"Then let go of me."

Anderson's brow furrowed and then he looked at the arms that were clearly attached to his body and were currently wrapped around the vampire.

Integra paused but continued with her paper work in the other room as she heard the priest's string of curses echoing throughout the estate. She chuckled to herself. "Well, I suppose the Vatican will be satisfied with this. Half of a night together in the same chair and they haven't killed each other yet."


End file.
